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I chased what could be with a knowing that it soon would be.
I dreamt big and believed that to be optimistic meant to live in a whimsical illusion complete with all things imagined.
I saw that people’s lives should be much more than they settled for. Therefore, I dreamt that mine would be the exception.
The life of this dreaming child was beautiful.
She found a sparkle and a hope in everything.
She never worried about the worst-case scenarios or the possible painful betrayals because she knew it would all add up to a happily ever after, just like in the movies.
She never settled to see life as it currently existed; instead, she saw life as beautiful as it could be.
She was innocent, and life in her eyes was just as clay, simply waiting to be molded into the greatest thing one can imagine.
This changed as I grew up.
Life was unhesitant to show me that some dreams don’t come true, and even worse, some actually morph into nightmares.
I knew good and evil, but I was shocked into awareness when the same good I trusted and found happiness in over time became the same stone that shattered my heart.
I am traumatized and even now find myself consumed with fear that all good results in disaster.
Clouded by such horror in and around our lives, we often forget that good remains because God remains.
I am eager to deny this truth out of the bitterness, fear, and sorrow of my experiences.
Yet, to not believe that good exists despite the difficulties means to unjustly imprison our life when Christ has deemed it free in Him.
I have viewed the disappointments of my life as a puncture to my hope, leading me to rely on myself to safely guard my heart.
However, I have learned recently that God views the same disappointments as another way to build my faith and display the depth of His love for me.
And in that is such a beautiful good I fail to realize.
I want the courage to be like a child again, walking into situations with the hope and belief that good will triumph because God is above it all.
This time, this thinking will not come with delusions but with genuine trust in a faithful God.
It may not be the same childhood dream I had, but it is a new hope found in the One who, in time, makes all things good.
- lr
Lately I’ve been consumed by the phrase “it’s a cold world we live in”. I lost all my faith in humanity and believed there was no good in this world and to trust no one. It made me stick to myself even more than I already do and eventually grew a cold heart toward any and everyone, even my own family and friends. It has slowly consumed me to the point where I found myself being negative throughout every day that goes past. For 3 years I’ve had a cold heart and went against my own morals and standards because “the world is evil and good people don’t exist”. Recently ive been on a path to change this mindset I’ve put upon myself. I keep seeing signs, messages, posts, and even people that say things on the line of “the world is cruel therefore I won’t be.” And “it’s an evil world but focus on the good.” I believe this is God putting me in front of these messages. I am not perfect and I aware no one is. I am on a journey to be 1% better everyday. Better than yesterday, and to be grateful for this life I've been gifted. Thank you for posting this.
ReplyDelete-A distant friend.