When I look up, the colors I once saw are not available in their fullness, instead consumed by clouds of grey.
The clouds have done what they do best: alter the mood of those it hovers.
It exists as an undefeatable gloom and dullness.
Though eternal joy still exists here, no enthusiasm appears.
Neither motivation nor energy.
I miss the pigment and its ability to form emotional bliss and physical highs.
Oh, dear color, I thirst for you, craving the vibrancy you inhabit.
You are hidden beyond the grey, distant.
My days ache, and my soul questions why my life is not vivid though the Spirit of Light that lives in me.
Venturing to find the fullness of color once more, I am halted in my steps to be guided back to the days of Jesus.
It was in the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus, that You were weary; it was on the cross where you hung in anguish.
The excitement to live in obedience was absent.
And tones of positivity were lacking when the time came to sacrifice your body for those You were sent to save.
It was grey, You were human, and You were sorrowful.
Still, You replied, “Not what I will, but what You will,” and now I see.
Your grace, Lord, faithfully leads me through the gloom.
You allow me the ability and reason to obey in feelings of weakness and insufficiency.
You teach me how faith goes beyond the clouds, beyond the feelings, and settles in Truth.
Jesus, You endured pain and sorrow, and still, Your actions displayed humble obedience to Your Father.
May I be like You, Jesus.
May my grey conclude in surrender.
-lr
Matthew 26